i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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