if you like me you must not know who I am
They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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