You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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