I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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