i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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