If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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