I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
