I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
its liver damage thursday
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
