can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
