Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
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