How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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