you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
