No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I showed him my bush... on skype.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
