I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
