haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
