What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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