Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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