Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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