Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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