i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
