I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
