I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
