All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
