Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
