Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
His hands were made for my vagina.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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