I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
