Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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