Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
well you can't waste a boner
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
A+ Viking dick
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
