I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
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