So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
