well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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