FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
bring money and cleavage
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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