It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
