Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
