I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
