My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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