u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
