I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
