Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
