I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
