I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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