Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
