idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
