my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
