I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Randomize
