and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
