just survived the first fart of the relationship.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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