We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
