those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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