Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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