I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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