I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
