My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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