I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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