he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
