Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
