I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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