It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
