I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
