Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
