Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
