It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
